


Will You Bloom For Me?

by fantasyies



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Demisexual Makoto, Feelings, M/M, Unrequited Love, aromantic haruka, harumako, harusexual makoto, makoharu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 03:32:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5148701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fantasyies/pseuds/fantasyies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all starts when Makoto confesses. It all ends when Haruka doesn't.<br/>A tale entailing about a boy who loves too much and a boy who doesn't love at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Makoto's Confession

Makoto Tachibana has known it for a while. He’s not able to pinpoint the exact moment in time, the exact date, minute, or hour. He’s not able to recall at what age or even down to the finer and minute details of in which season he began to feel this way.

But he knows what the butterflies in his stomach means when he glances upon the silhouette of his best friend. He knows what the light blush on his cheeks implies when his best friend gives him a second-handed compliment. He’s able to gauge that the flutter in his chest, the pounding that happens monotonously whenever he’s around his best friend meant something …something that could not simply be expressed with mere words.

Gender or sexual orientation none of that was consequential when it came to matters of the heart. And when it came down to it, his heart would only beat for one person. If feeling the way he did for his best friend made him different from the norm, made society shun him, then he would still gladly stay uprooted because despite it all he is the most important piece of existence to him.

The person that he grew up with, whom he shared his fears, doubts, and worries with. The existence of that individual who made him feel the most comfortable, to whom he could share his happiness with, tears smiles and all. He knew that deep down in his heart he probably didn’t deserve to feel the way he did, but he was undeniably without a single shroud of doubt in his mind in love.

He was in love with his best friend. He was in love with the boy who only cared about and for mackerel and swimming. Was there a place for him somewhere in his heart, no matter how small he wanted to know. His heart would only ever feel this way about one person, would he feel the same? He wanted to shout it from the top of his lungs, he was in love with Haruka Nanase.

Although he knew that telling Haruka about his innermost feelings would change things between them, perhaps even sever the lifetime bond that they had so strenuously formed throughout the years, time was no longer going to play to his tune. Their graduation day would be fast approaching and before long he would be off to Tokyo, away from him, away from his presence. He dreads the thought.

The fight they had on the balcony still lingered in his mind. It was the first time they had ever fought after all. Sparks of emotions had exploded that night even rivaling that of the night sky. He wanted to say it all then, that he loved him so much, that he was always on his mind and that he was so worried about him it made his heart ache. But he was so scared. So scared of the repercussions. So scared of possibly losing the one thing he cherished the most in his life.

Dissipating the thought from his memory he made up his mind this time. A firm constitution implanted into his will, on graduation day he would confess. He knew it wasn’t fair to force his feelings onto Haruka, he wasn’t even sure if he felt the same way as him but the nagging feeling building up inside of his chest desperately needed to be exasperated. It was a decision that he would come to regret no matter how he looked at it.

 

* * *

 

On the day of graduation Makoto goes to pick up Haruka as per his usual routine. The boy would probably even miss his own graduation, lost in his train of thought of soaking himself in his bathtub, if Makoto wasn’t as persistent as he was.

When he enters the small house sliding open the doors and proceeds towards the bathroom Haruka is of course there languishing in his water filled tub.

“Haru-chan it’s our graduation day today. You do know that right?” he says so while extending his hand towards the boy in the tub.

“Drop the –chan. And yes I do Makoto.” Haruka responds back while reaching out towards the hand in the air.

“Don’t you ever get tired of saying that?”

“If you’re tired of hearing it then stop adding –chan.”

Makoto smiles while handing a towel over to Haruka. “Hai hai.”

Suddenly Makoto remembers what he had set out to do today. The thought made him nervous and he almost felt like his throat was going to choke at the words but he had already decided, he was no longer going to run away.

As Haruka walks towards his room to throw on his uniform Makoto stays outside with his back turned to the door.

“Say…Haru.” he mumbles in hesitation.

“What is it Makoto?” a muffled sound makes it’s way towards Makoto’s ears, Haru was probably trying to put on his shirt right about now.

Makoto gulps and feels a subsequent lump in his throat.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Okay?” Haruka ponders while joining Makoto outside the door fully dressed in his uniform.

“Can you meet me on the rooftop later after the ceremony? There’s something I need to tell you.” Makoto says with a firm resolution. Although the sweat running down his forehead and his sweaty palms seemed to contradict his will.

“I guess. But why can’t you just say it right here?”

“Ah that-that’s because…we’re going to be late for the ceremony we need to hurry.” That excuse should do it for now, even though it wasn’t a very good one, he heaved a heavy sigh inside while grabbing onto Haruka’s shoulders pushing him towards the door.

 

* * *

 

When they get to the school Nagisa and Rei are there waiting to greet them. They seemed to be engaged in a conversation over god knows what it just sounds like gibberish to Makoto. Nagisa is pouting and Rei is rambling on about science this and science that.

Cutting him off Nagisa runs toward them first.

“Mako-chan. Haru-chan. You’re finally here!” He exclaims in a voice that perhaps is a little too loud for a morning.

Clearing his throat and taking footsteps to join Nagisa, Rei also begins to greet them.

“Makoto-senpai. Haruka-senpai. Good morning.”

“Good morning.” A gentle smile forms on Makoto’s face.

“Mmm.”  Haruka mumbles.

“I can’t believe you guys are graduating today. I feel like I’m going to start crying already.” Nagisa complains while leaning over to the side of Rei’s shoulder.

“Nagisa-kun.” He clears his throat at the contact. “Today is a day to celebrate, there will be no tears today.” His voice sounds like it was going to crack at a moment’s notice though.

“I know but Mako-chan is going to leave us soon. And Haru-chan is going to pursue professional swimming. There’s not much time left.” the blonde tries to hide his whimpering.

“Ah that’s right. Have you decided on where you would like to go yet Haruka-senpai?” Rei turns his attention towards the raven.

“Not yet.”

“You don’t have much time left to decide Haru-chan.”

Come to think of it Makoto hasn’t heard of anything either from Haruka. All he knew was that Haruka had suddenly decided to pursue professional swimming after his trip to Australia with Rin. He wasn’t aware of where to though. The realization that they would be apart made it’s way into his chest. The strange pain seeping through his heart, what did it mean?

“We’re going to be late.” Makoto tries to switch the subject, he doesn’t know if he can handle the recurring thoughts and worries in his head anymore.

“You guys are going to be there at the ceremony right?” Makoto asks while pulling Haruka along towards the entrance of the school building.

“Of course!” Both Nagisa and Rei utter in unison.

“See you guys later then.” Makoto chimes back with a warm smile while waving goodbye.

“Later.” Haruka mumbles.

 

* * *

 

After the ceremony Makoto makes his way towards the place where he and Haruka had promised to meet.

As Makoto stands outside the rooftop of the school building he begins to question his original intentions and motives again. Would it really be okay to put everything out there? Was it fair to him or to Haruka to reveal his feelings? Even if Haruka did feel the same way would life work out for them? Would distance be an obstacle? Would time slow down to accommodate their feelings? Love has to work both ways in order to come to fruition, would Haruka feel the same way as him?

As he gazes out to the horizon at the blue endless sky and the flying birds, the warmth of ultraviolet rays glowing on his skin, he hears the sound of an opening door. He gulps in nervousness and clenches his fist. Even if he came to regret this decision for the rest of his life, he figured it was better to have said something than nothing at all. Time waits for no one, it was now or never.

“Makoto. You’re here already.”

Makoto keeps his back faced towards Haruka. He feels a presence step closer towards him and his body begins to heat up. Sweat trickles down onto his skin and he feels his fists clenching even tighter. It was now or never he tells himself beginning to open his mouth.

“Do you know why I swim Haru?”

“…”

“It’s because I want to swim with you.”

“I’ve told you this before though haven’t I?” he lets out a chuckle.

“But that’s not the only reason you know.”

Haruka’s ears perk up and he begins to focus more intensely on Makoto.

“Whenever I’m around you, even now when you’re right by my side I feel like I’m the luckiest person alive.”

“To be able to swim, laugh and cry with you I don’t think there’s anything in life more fulfilling than that.”

“I still remember the first time we met, you were much taller and braver than me and therefore I always felt like I could rely on you. I think I’ve relied on you a bit too many times but it makes me happy to know that you’re always there for me.”

“We grew up together so we pretty much know everything there is to know about each other. But you know Haru there’s something I haven’t told you yet.”

“I know if I tell you everything will change between us and you might never want to see me again but I can’t hide it anymore. I can’t  run away any more.”

“I don’t think I can live out the rest of my life if you’re not there with me.”

He runs his hand along his uniform shirt and rips off the second button from top down.

“They say if you give this to someone, you’re giving them your heart.” He slowly extends the palm of his hand towards Haruka, with the button placed in the center.

“I’m giving this to you…”

“Because…”

“Because I’m…”

“I’m in love with you Haru.”

The still silence on the rooftop emanates throughout Makoto’s ears. The only thing he can hear and feel at that exact moment in time, where time itself seemed to have stopped, was the sound of his furiously pounding heart. He had said it. The words had finally come out. He should be sighing with a sense of relief now. He should be happy.

So then why does a foreboding feeling creep up into the depths of his skin, a chill running down his spine? Why does the silence make him want to rip out the heart beating in his chest.

“Ma-Makoto…I’m sorry.”

“I’m…”

He didn’t want to hear the rest. He couldn’t bare to hear it. He knew where this was going. He wasn’t sure if his tattered heart could take anymore. A loud shatter erupts inside of him, fragments of a broken heart culminating in his interior.

It shouldn’t hurt, it shouldn’t faze him one bit he was expecting this outcome after all, but it does. Makoto’s wishful thinking that maybe everything would work out, that maybe time would be on his side for once is abruptly dissipated, gone with the wind and surely never to come back.

 He knew from the start ever since he had decided on his stupid decision to confess that just because he felt something it didn’t necessarily mean that Haruka would feel the same. He wasn’t obligated to.

But somewhere deep inside of him he had a sliver of hope. They were together for so long surely there was something there. But there wasn’t… The realization hits him hard suffocating his insides, engulfing him in a blaze that  he could not put out.

 These were his own selfish feelings; and for once in his life when he chose to be selfish it landed him in a bottomless pit. He wanted to rewind back time. To do it all over but he knew all the same that he would end up choosing to redo it no matter which choice he made. He just wishes it didn’t hurt so much.

“I understand. I’m sorry. Just forget everything I said.” He runs away towards the door with his heart clenched inside of his fist. He needed to be alone right now, seeing the person he thought that made him the happiest was actually making him feel the most pain he had ever felt in his eighteen years.

But it wasn’t Haruka’s fault, he was not to blame. These were his own selfish feelings and he would have to live with this decision for the rest of his life. No matter how much it hurts.

“Makoto wait!” The words uttered into his earlobes but they were drowned out by everything, by the pain in his chest and by the single streak of tear that made its way onto his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not dead in case anyone's wondering. I've actually been really busy over the past couple of weeks but of course I'm still trying to make time to bring some makoharu to you all! I've always wanted to explore the idea of harusexual Makoto and ~~asexual~~ aromantic Haru so I hope I did it justice. This is going to be a two-shot but I'm still debating whether I should continue it a series or not. Please leave some feedback if you're interested, I'd love to know!


	2. Haruka's Gambit

When the words made their way into his ears he wasn’t sure of what to think or say. His body stood still as if frozen in time refusing to thaw. The words remained clinging to him, refusing to wash away. How was he supposed to tell him that he didn’t, no that he couldn’t feel the same way?

Makoto was special to him, a lifelong friend whom he could never see his life without. That much he knew. Just thinking of all the times he’s been there for him a feeling of comfort begins to permeate throughout his entire body.

But did that mean he loved him? Did that feeling equate to love? He wasn’t sure of what love felt like because he was never able to experience it firsthand. What did it feel like to love someone with every fiber of your being? He wanted to know what it felt like.

All he knew inside his cold-hearted body was that his heart had refused to beat to Makoto’s words; maybe his inconsequential un-beating organ was not capable of love.

When he makes his way home the first thing he thinks of his is drowning himself in water, he desperately needed to feel the water rippling against his skin to save him from the pesky thoughts festering in his mind.

He thought about Makoto for a moment as he made his way up the stairs. He wanted to go over to Makoto’s to see him, to tell him what he couldn’t but he wasn’t sure if it would change anything even if he did.

The matter of the fact was that he could not reciprocate Makoto’s feelings. He was hurting, Makoto was in undeniable pain and he couldn’t bear to face him anymore knowing full well the implications of his rejection.

 It wasn’t a matter of who it was; he knew deep down inside that he could never love anyone. With Makoto it hurts even more because he cares so much about him but he doesn’t know if his feelings are even remotely comparable to that of Makoto’s.

Compared to Makoto’s love equitable to that of a fully bloomed rose, his feelings was nothing more than a bud refusing to sprout. If a rose refuses to bloom is there an indicative reason to keep it alive? Is there a point in waiting for it to blossom knowing full well that it will never do so no matter how much water or sunlight you give it? Why not just nip it in the bud and save yourself from the pain of the protruding thorns.

It wasn’t fair to Makoto to give him a sense of false hope. It wasn’t fair of him to love Makoto back when he himself did not know the definition of the word. And if that was the case he was better off not loving at all.

As he basks in his water filled tub Haruka finds his mind beginning to wander again. Would he ever be able to escape this endless maze of thoughts? Would everything go back to normal? Would he and Makoto still be able to retain the same relationship they’ve always had after today’s events? He wishes it was all just a dream, wishes he could just forget everything. But it isn’t and he can’t so he’ll just have to live with himself even if that means losing the person who he cares the most about.

 

* * *

 

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks since he’s last seen or heard from Makoto. School was already over, they had already graduated, he was to attend a new university soon (even if he still doesn’t know where) there was no more need for Makoto to come over anymore, to reach out his hand to pick him up from the bathtub. But he misses him. He misses it. How does he even begin to explain the feeling. He feels empty inside, like the part that used to fill the void is no longer there and it hurts. Everything he feared had become his reality.

There was a part of him that was glad, glad that he didn’t have to face Makoto. But the rest, the daunting feelings overcoming his now and weak fragile body despised it. The equilibrium had shifted from it’s original and intended location, Makoto was no longer speaking to him, he was longer speaking to Makoto.

And all because of a stupid thing called love. Four measly letters yet it was stronger than any force he had ever experienced. He wishes he could burn the word, erase it’s existence because no one deserves to feel the way he made Makoto feel. If only he could love him back everything would fit together and become whole again and his world would start to revolve again. But he knows he can’t and he hates himself for it.

 

* * *

 

When Haruka comes home one night from his trip to the supermarket to restock on mackerel, because despite it all he still needs to live he finds a mysterious figure planted outside his doors. The darkened sky did no favor in illuminating the presence of the individual, he was tall and had a larger build but that was about all he could make out.

“Makoto?” The name was muttered unintentionally but his intuition would prove to be correct.

“Ah look it’s Haru.”

Something was odd about him tonight. As if in a mild stupor his legs were wobbling all over the place. He could barely stand up and looked as if he was going to fall over at any second.

“What are you doing here?” Haruka questions him dropping his bags onto the floor catching the inebriated Makoto before he could tip over any further.

A part of Haruka was happy to see him but under these circumstances he was more worried about Makoto’s wellbeing. Nevermind where he got the alcohol, Makoto being drunk was something he’d thought he’d never see in a million years.

“I just wanted to see you. Why I can’t?”

“Were you drinking?”

“No!”

He knows he shouldn’t after all they have yet to make up or even talk about all of the events that had transpire that day but he found himself caring a little too much. Haruka couldn’t leave Makoto alone, he was in too much a stupor to let him roam about. He found himself worrying about all of the little things. It wasn’t love…he was just worried about his best friend.

“Come inside.” Haruka says while he slides open the doors to his house. He drags the heavy body to his room and slowly plants him onto his bed. He makes an effort not to forget to grab the bags of groceries he had set on the floor outside.

“Wait here. I’m going to call your parents.”

“No don’t go!” A loud shout sends a jolt through Haruka’s body. A pair of large and brusque arms traveled around his waist enveloping around his abdominals locking him in place.

“Makoto?”

“Don’t leave me! Please Haru.”

A warm chest makes contact with his back, it feels warm and kind of nice in the cold air. Makoto’s face rests on his shoulder and he feels it resting and nestling against his. The arms around him grips and grapples onto him even tighter so as to say it isn’t ever going to let go.

“Even if you don’t love me…it’s okay if  I still continue loving you right?”

“I know how you feel and it’s selfish of me but…”

The grip on him grows even tighter. Haruka doesn’t know if it’s because of that or the words that makes him feel uncomfortable.

“I can’t stop thinking about you Haru.”

“I told myself to forget everything but the image of you burns brighter in my mind everyday.”

“I feel like I’m suffocating without you.”

“I’m leaving soon so you’ll never have to see me again. Just let me stay with you for tonight.”

The words came out like a calm breeze, a silent whisper but to Haruka it sent a chill into his already frozen body.

The sleeve of his t-shirt was drenched in something wet and warm polarizing with his cold interior. The source of it all is still clinging onto him as tightly as ever burying his face onto his shoulders. He knows what it is but Haruka would prefer it if he didn’t, he wishes he could remain ignorant to it all. It hurt too much to think about it, to know that he was the one responsible and that he was not capable of mending Makoto’s broken heart.

Should he just tell the boy? Should he just come out and say that he was not capable of love? No matter how much he tried to feel something, anything his useless heart would still refuse to cooperate. Should he let Makoto experience that pain? Hasn’t he already hurt the boy enough?

“Makoto…just listen to me okay?” He says while gently and slowly petting Makoto’s hands which were still wrapped around him.

“No. No. No! I don’t want to. I already know there’s someone else.” Haruka feels like he’s the one being suffocated now as the grip on him grows even stronger.

Someone else? Where did Makoto get that notion? Was he thinking these thoughts all along? Did he subject himself to the pain and torture of thinking there was someone else Haruka had loved?

“There’s no one else Makoto.”

“You’re lying! You love him don’t you…” A loud roar erupts throughout the room, echoing against the cold but stifling air, deafening Haruka’s eardrums.

“I don’t want to hear it if that’s the case…I don’t want to hear it!”

Makoto’s stubbornness sent Haruka’s blood ablaze, he was about to reach his boiling point. If Makoto would just shut up and listen to him for a minute, to just listen to him explain everything maybe he wouldn’t have to subject himself to the pain and torture.

“There’s no one else!”

“You’re lying!”

“I’m telling you the truth!”

“Stop lying to me!”

“Makoto shut the fuck up and listen to me!”

“You’re lying…”

“I’m aromantic okay!”

“I can’t love you even if I tried!”

After his outburst the room stood frozen in silence as if the earth had ceased rotating in it’s natural course, only the pitter and patter of heavy breathing ebbed and flowed back and forth against the stifling air.

He knew the truth would hurt Makoto (because it certainly hurt him to say it) but he couldn’t help but release the tension building up inside of him.

Remaining silent would just lead to an endless cycle of pain and misery, to an infinite loop that would never find its’ end. And that wasn’t fair to either of them.

“You’re what...?” The hands embracing him were hastily removed, the warmth leaving his skin. He kind of misses it now.

He plants himself on the bed and turns around to face a bewildered Makoto, sullen green eyes dilating and illuminating all in one. His eyes interlocks with Makoto’s, he needed to tell him.

“I’m not capable of loving anyone even if it’s you...”

“I’m thankful for your feelings but I don’t know if I could ever feel the same way…about you”

“Haru…” A pair of quivering lips mutters.

“I’m sorr…”

Haruka tried to get out the words but he was abruptly interrupted before he could finish. He was pulled into another hug, his chest making contact with a trembling Makoto’s. Two large hands were wrapped around him again, enveloping his whole being with nothing but warmth. Would his cold body be able to soak in the heat radiating from Makoto’s?

Makoto’s love was so vibrant, so pure and so genuine that almost describing it and trying to put it into words would be near impossible. And yet he found himself unable to feel it.

A warm and silent breath makes it’s way onto Haruka’s nape. Every word could be felt along his skin. Every sound echoing around him made him feel tranquil, like maybe everything will be okay despite it all.

“I’m sorry Haru.”

“All this time I’ve only been thinking about my feelings.”

“You must’ve been hurting too. I’m so sorry.”

Makoto’s hands and fingers traveled along his back gently rubbing along his skin through the fabric of his clothing. It soothed him and made him feel him a sense of comfort.

Oh how he wishes his stupid useless heart would just beat for the boy he’s currently wrapped around. Then there would be no need for tears, no need for pain, no need for misery. If ever there was a time he could make a wish upon a shooting star and have it come true it would be now.

As if their link was reconnected again, Haruka found himself lying down next to Makoto, Makoto’s arm tightly wraps around him and his back is gently placed in front Makoto’s torso. There was no more need for words. After it all they had finally come to an understanding. Even if it all didn’t work out, even if things were now in disarray, even if he may never love him with every existential atom in his being, Haruka still found comfort in Makoto’s presence. And for tonight that was enough.

 

* * *

 

Haruka found himself waking up to a seemingly empty bed ,the side where Makoto had slept on last night was no longer graced by his presence. All that remained was a neatly folded piece of paper addressed ‘To Haru’. He wasn’t sure of when Makoto had left but he recalls a warm pair of lips caressing his forehead earlier. It may have all been a dream but the feeling still lingered.

Makoto probably went back home but if so why bother leaving a letter? He could just come over later. They worked everything out last night didn’t they? It didn’t make sense to him. With trembling hands he reaches towards the letter, something fell out when he opened it. A button.

 

_Dear Haru,_

_If you’re reading this then I’ll probably be long gone by now. I wasn’t supposed to leave for another couple of days but it just felt like time. I already packed up everything yesterday and told my parents as well. Ran and Ren wouldn’t stop crying!_

_I’m going to miss everyone so much. We all made so many memories together I’ll never forget a single one. You’re the one I’m going to miss the most though. Thank you for being by my side for all those years. I know I was a coward for not telling you goodbye in person but I think if I did it would just make it harder for the both of us._

_Wherever you choose to pursue your dream I sincerely hope you the best. I know you’ll be standing on the Olympic stage some day along with Rin. I hope you continue to swim and above all I hope you live everyday with a smile because you’re the most amazing person I know. And the most amazing person I know deserves to live life with nothing but happiness._

_I know everything that happened the past couple of weeks felt like a surreal blur. I’m glad I was able to tell you how I feel and I’m glad that you were honest with me. I don’t want to force my feelings on you neither do I want you to be in pain anymore that’s why I made this decision. I think it’ll be good for us to experience life without each other. I think we’ve depended on each other for long enough._

_This isn’t goodbye though. We’ll see each other again I know it. Until then I leave you with a piece of me. Throw it away, keep it, whatever you do with it know that I don’t plan on giving it to anyone else. It belongs to you and will always belong to you Haru._

_Sincerely,_

_Makoto_

It unknowingly makes it’s way onto the piece of paper.

“What’s this?”

Makoto’s name was unintentionally smudged.

“Why am I…?”

It was at that moment in time that he realized. Even if a bud refuses to sprout, even if it refuses to bloom into a beautiful rose. There was always going to be someone stupid enough to tend to it. There was always going to be someone idiotic enough, despite the thorns, who would go out of their way to admire it’s beauty.

 

* * *

 

“Makoto. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love you the way you love me. But I do know one thing. Even if my heart refuses to beat to yours even if I’m incapable of love. I know that I can’t. I know that…”

“I can’t live without you.”    

                

* * *

 

The loud noise grates his ears as he makes his way and enters into the building. Was it always this loud and busy around these parts? He hated it. But in any case he would make do because he had already decided.

“Good afternoon sir, where to?”

“….”

“I need to know if I’m going to book you a flight.”

“…”

“Sir?”

“Tokyo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! So here's the second half of this two-shot. I've always wanted to try writing two different POV's I hope it wasn't too hard to follow. I'm happy with how it ended but I'd also love to explore their dynamics in college, we'll see until then.
> 
> edit: I've made a few changes. I apologize if I offended any one with my mislabeling it was certainly not my intention.


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